Dear Fan Friends,

My heart was overflowing with love and gratitude on Thanksgiving Day. I’m especially thankful for my family and friends who have supported me in my decision to go all in with this blog. I count myself blessed beyond measure in terms of having a roof over my head, food to eat, and both enough money to live and a little left over to enjoy and spend. While these things are important in life it’s the people in my life that really make it truly special. I am thankful for each and everyone of you that have chosen to follow me on this crazy beautiful adventure called life. I may not have met all of you but I do hold all of you in a very special place in my heart for giving me a platform to speak and caring about what I have to say. I also reflect on many billionaires out there that have everything and yet they’re terribly lonely. I may not be a billionaire but I will always be RICH in the love and friendships of all of you. Wherever you celebrated Thanksgiving , and whoever you celebrated with, Tom, Draco and I would like to wish you all a very Happy Belated Thanksgiving and may you be surrounded by all the things that make your heart smile. Please know, that we love and value each and every one of you.

Love you. Mean it.

Brittany

Xoxo

P.S. sorry about the Cowboys blanket my husband is a fan.

*See you next Friday 12/1/17 where I kick off the holiday season by discussing my TOP 10 favorite Christmas songs*

…On My Experience Disenfranchised Grief.

If you’re anything like me, you probably read the subheading and thought, ‘disenfranchised what?!’ But, if you’re also anything like me you’re probably curious as to what this loaded word actually means. Disenfranchised grief occurs when someone dies and society determines who gets to grieve and who is supported in their grief. It more accurately occurs when our relationship with the departed isn’t acknowledged and therefore the affect of that person’s death (whether it be a co-worker, ex-lover, or old childhood friend) on us isn’t validated. It can also be when the circumstances surrounding the death don’t warrant society’s pity ( drug/substance abuse, suicide, etc.). Grief becomes disenfranchised when we don’t receive society’s stamp of approval for our loss and an allotted time period for the grieving process. Since society says we shouldn’t be grieving, we feel like we can’t share our grief with others and therefore we feel isolated in our grief. A feeling I’ve come to know all too well.

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For me, the very experience I had with disenfranchised grief came amidst celebrating the birthday of my brother. My Mother, who attends mass every Saturday and sometimes Sunday, heard the mass was being celebrated in Birthday remembrance of an old friend of mine I grew up with. Like most, our closeness dwindled after high school but the reason was ultimately because my friend was going down a path I couldn’t follow. One of drugs. I’d seen that same old friend two years before I sat on that couch in disbelief at my Mother’s words. He had seen my now husband and I while we were engaged. He hugged and congratulated us and we’d both promised we’d get together soon. He looked happy, he looked healthy, his eyes looked so clear. I remember leaving that conversation feeling like I’d had my friend back, a bit more mature but wiser and stronger. Now as I sat there with Mother’s curious eyes upon me all I could think was: What went wrong?

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I remember reaching out to someone both my friend’s mother and I had worked with and it was through them that I received the news that my former friend had lost his battle against addiction. I instantly broke down and cried. I still remember standing in my parents’ kitchen looking out the back window with silent tears pouring down my face. Not only was my old friend dead, but he’d died just a little over a month after I’d gotten married without me even knowing until one year and one month later.

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I still remember my husband, walking in and being totally unsure of why I was even crying, “You haven’t spoken to him in years!” He’d told me and while he held and comforted me, I couldn’t help but feel my grief was deeply misunderstood. I spent many nights on the phone with this friend, sometimes till 3 AM. I’d lay in my backyard, sometimes in the humid summer heat or the bitter winter cold on my diving board under the stars and we’d talk about our hopes, dreams and people we liked and didn’t like. I can still hear his voice if I close my eyes-I hope I always remember it. We went to school together, shared a best friend together and shared a lot of good times and bad together.

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He was a beautiful soul-someone who could both frustrate and amuse me at the same time. We shared secrets and jokes, we went to prom in the same small group. He was at one point one of my best friends. While Tom wondered how I can grieve, I wondered, how could I not grieve? A loss is a loss.

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The fact that it was an old friend made me feel isolated enough in my grief, but when people learned the death was related to drugs? I adamantly felt like I would’ve gotten more sympathy from crabs on a deserted island than the family and friends around me. It was hard for me to say, my friend’s no longer here because he lost his battle with addiction because I felt a tremendous amount of guilt that I couldn’t be there for him at his lowest. I, who pride myself on giving the best advice and save everyone, could not save him. He fell into a bad crowd and bad habits which I had no wrap for and so I went on with my life, making new friends and soaking up the college experience for all it was worth. ‘He’d made his choice, I hope he gets the help he needs’ I remember thinking. I often prayed for his recovery, asked his Mother how he was doing through the years and thought back fondly on who he was before all this was the issue. When we were kids he, our mutual friend and I, were like the Three Musketeers but after a falling out with that mutual friend a few years prior to my friend’s death, I was the only one left standing. The one person who would understand, who shared the same fond memories of our departed friend was no longer a part of my life to lean on and grieve with.

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How long was my friend battling this inner demon? Was he alone when he died? Was he scared? Did he realize what was happening before it happened?

So many thoughts rushed through my head, so many moments where I’d find myself crying. I didn’t feel like I had anyone who understood me but I also knew my friend wouldn’t have wanted me to have our good memories tainted with sadness of his unfortunate and tragic end.

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I decided to honor his memory by accepting my grief is valid, my love for him was as real as my love for any of my other friends. I indulged in some of my favorite sweets, watched some of his and I’s favorite movies, and wrote a private letter to him that I burned in my fire pit after writing. I sent a card to his mother and reached out to people I knew wouldn’t judge my grief.

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Slowly, I am healing, but I know I’ll always love and miss the person he was and mourn the person he never got to grow up to be. This experience has also taught me a lot about society’s stigmatism on drugs, having also lost a close friend in middle school to leukemia. The sympathy and support I received was tremendous when I lost her compared to the callousness of losing him to drugs. I’m 28 years old and lost two very close friends: one to illness and one to addiction. My grief for one should never be more valid than the other.

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At the end of the day these are two young people who lost their lives much too soon. Society needs to realize that drugs kill more than automobile accidents and Breast Cancer combined. This is an epidemic. This is serious problem that requires society to re-think the lack of support for parents, friends (both current and former) , co-workers and most importantly family members left behind to pick up the pieces after a loved one loses their battle to addiction. Perhaps if so much stigmatism which results in disenfranchised grief wasn’t surrounding drug addiction and abuse, my friend would have gotten a proper send off and celebration of his life surrounded by everyone he knew and loved. Perhaps he wouldn’t have wanted that, perhaps I did more than anything because it would of given me the proper closure I received with my other friend who died at the tender age of 13.

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Out of respect for my friend and his wonderful family, I have chosen NOT to give any part of his name on here. It’s not my place to. It is my place though to say that as a society, we need to re-evaluate who gets to grieve and who gets support. People who lose love ones to addiction require just as much compassion as those who lose their loved ones to illness. Often times the people left behind have so much guilt, shame and profound sorrow.

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Those left behind feel like they didn’t do enough to save their loved one from the inevitable even though they actually did everything they possibly could. These people are parents, friends, co-workers, teachers, doctors, lawyers and family members that are affected each day by watching a loved one die or struggle with addiction. Addition doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, it doesn’t matter your religion or race. Addiction comes and it destroys both the people struggling with it and the people who love them that are watching them fight an often times losing battle. These people have stories about loved ones whose lives were so much more than just a ‘drug addict’.

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These ‘addicts’ were still just people with families and friends left with more questions than answers and nobody to talk to. I think it’s time as a society to honor these people’s dignities by allowing those who loved them to share stories and grieve. To be able to say ‘I’m here for you, I’m sorry for your loss and grief’ and genuinely mean it. If we can stop sweeping addiction and it’s victims under the rug, and support those left behind together we can raise awareness and put better support in place for those still battling and their families who feel so utterly lost in the wake of a loved one’s addiction. It’s up to us to be that change.

Recently, Chris Christie has been pushing for addiction to be recognized as an epidemic, I also have been seeing a lot of ads which are acknowledging opioid addiction is a real issue in this state and country.

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I think of my friend whenever I’m bombarded with these ads and commercials and wonder if something like this had been in place 10-15 years ago, would he still be here? I’d like to say that finding ways to deal with my disenfranchised grief helped me to heal completely but I can only say it helped and inspired me to write this. Dealing with disenfranchised grief made me sad, withdrawn and isolated from my current friends (who didn’t know my former friend) and family members. It made me lash out at others because I was hurting inside with no proper outlet, and nobody who understood.

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I’ve had way more good days in the last eight months but I still have bad days where I want to cry. The grief I feel is no different than losing anyone else that mattered to me-the effect is the same even though the circumstances were different and that’s my prerogative.

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If you or someone who you know is suffering from addiction please contract The Drug Abuse Hotline at 1-877-486-1655 today. You are not alone, you or your loved one’s life is precious. Please get help today.

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Love You. Mean It.

Brittany

Xoxo

Not to go to my 10 Year High School Reunion…

High School Reunions, that event that comes around every 10 years to remind you just how old you really are and how long ago those days of adolescent carelessness have passed us by. Everyone’s experience with high school is different, depending on who you talk to they will either tell you high school was “the best time of my life“ or they will tell you “that period of my life was what I call my version of the dark ages”. My experience with high school was neither of these things but rather it fell through the cracks as neither memorable nor horrible. Come to think of it, if I really contemplate my high school years I view them as unremarkable.

Naturally, when the time came for my former classmates to track me down and give me the details of our ten year reunion, I firmly decided not to go. My choice, isn’t a popular one by most people’s standards, most when given the choice opt to spend a night of nostalgia with the people they grew up with-those people who saw us at every awkward phase and bad haircut ‘whoops I cut my own bangs’ stage. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve watched Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino as Romy and Michelle more times than I can count. I’m certain there’s at least one or two people we’d all like to march up to and say: “oh yeah, well, I hope your babies look like monkeys!” But is it really worth it? When I watch that movie now, having been graduated from High School for 10 years and 4 months I wonder why Romy and Michelle felt the need to go back and impress everybody. I also realized this is one of the many reasons I don’t want to go. It should be noted that it is not the only reason I don’t wish to go and this post isn’t meant to discourage anyone from attending their’s if they so desire. These are my reason not to go.

1. It’s Been 10 Years- Let’s face it, our lives are very different now. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago anymore than any of the people I graduated are. We grew up together, and most of us grew apart. Aside from those one or two people that stood through the tests of time you’re virtually meeting up with strangers and if you’re one of those people who are hoping to come back to a reunion to make your impression on old friends and reconnect with ‘that one who got away’ than I got news for you: should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. The people from your past who do not make it into your future are best left in the past.Most of my graduating class are recovering addicts, dead, or parents to young children which means we have even little in common now than when we went to school together 10 years ago. This is not made to sound bitter, it is just a simple fact of life, everyone is in different phases, this is our late twenties there’s no road map. Our journeys aren’t meant to be exactly the same and while the idea of a reunion is well meant it’s just not necessary to go back and talk to people about everything you’ve gone through without them for the last 10 years.
2. Some People Truly Live In The Past; While Other’s Only Want To Tell You About Themselves- Reunions have two types of people: the gloating ‘look where I’m at and all I’ve done’ people and the ‘do you remember that time?’ People. Some people truly believe that the best time of their lives was in High School, and they will want to relive every adolescent triumph, every moment of glory while the others will go on and on about their careers, spouses and kids-oh or rehab. I truly hope everyone in my graduating class is happy and successful, I hope with all my heart that they love the life they made. I would just much rather continue focusing on that life I made for myself, with true friends and loving/supportive family members. I don’t need people I went to grade school with to approve of my life choices, once more, I went ten years without seeing or speaking to some of you: why the sudden urgency now?

Aside from those two reasons not to go, I can’t honestly think of a reason to go. The people from High School I loved dearly, I still speak to, even if only on Facebook here and there. I’m in touch with those who matter cause I matter to them too. I was one of those people in High School that people either loved or hated but everyone knew my name, everyone knew who I was. I think it’s only fair at this stage of my life that I get to chose who knows who I am now.

But for those of you who will wonder where I am that night, please accept my warmest regards and follow this blog if you’d really like to know me. My name is Brittany Schmidt now, but you’ll always remember me as Brittany Hackett. I am married to a wonderful man, named Tom and we have a beautiful fur baby together, his name is Draco. I have a house, paid off my car, and spent the last six years out of 9 years at my job teaching 3 year old pre-School. I have good days and bad days, ups and downs, I don’t have any human children and I’m not sure if I want any. I was 4 votes away from winning ‘Most Unique’ in our graduating class, I still like to think of myself as unique and I still march to the beat of my own drum.

I wish you all the very best life has to offer and every now and then when I run into your parent or sibling I say a little prayer for you that you’re happy, healthy and surrounded by all the things that make you smile. That’s all anyone really needs to know.

Love you. Mean it.

Brittany

Xoxo

Newton’s 1st Law States: “an object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless acted upon by an external force. It may be seen as a statement about inertia, that objects will remain in their state of motion unless a force acts to change the motion.”

Cam Newton’s 1st Law: For Every Cam action there’s a media and critic OVERREACTION.”

Many would consider this story old news, but it’s still a touchy spot I’ve had to comment on especially when the Panthers played Thursday Night Football verses the Eagles. I’ve been pretty silent on the whole ‘Cam controversy’ but I’m breaking my silence today:

I’ve been a Panthers fan since I was six years old. The Panthers played the Jets that year, I just so happened to be watching the game with my dad and I instantly fell in love with them. I always joke that Tom was my second experience with love at first sight: the first was my Carolina Panthers. They were the underdogs much like I felt my entire life; I had to fight for every victory I achieved so did they. I have been a fan long before Cam Newton’s face graced our franchise and I will be a fan long after he retires.

In my 22 years of being a fan, I’ve been proud of almost every player (past and present) on my team. The only exception to this is Ray Caurruth (the man who killed his pregnant girlfriend and as a result permanently disabled his child). My team may not have won a Super Bowl but we’ve made it to two.

For all the crud people talk about Cam Newton and the Panthers they don’t see what amazing people and athletes with inspiring stories they have to share. Ya’ll don’t know that Steve Smith (former Panther) was told in college he would never be able to play because he wasn’t big enough but he laughed in the face of adversity and achieved that and so much more! Ya’ll don’t see all the good Cam does for kids and his community. You don’t realize my team is home to two Walter Payton Man of the year nominees (Thomas Davis and Greg Olsen). You don’t know Greg Olsen donates so much money to children hospitals to help children born with heart defects because his own son was born with one. You don’t know Kelvin Benjamin is playing every snap this season (2017) for his mom because she died in July. You don’t know our motto “Keep Pounding” was born out of symbolism of Sam Mills’ (a NJ native) very heart wrenching battle with cancer (which he lost). There’s a lot of players on the team that you don’t know their story, but if you ask me I would be happy to share that and many more with you.

My team may not have won a Super Bowl but I will always be proud to wear blue and black and cheer for them each and every week as long as I have breath in my body win or lose. I love my team and every player on it, I see them for the people they are, I look at the work they do off the field, I see what they do for their communities. When I look at the Carolina Panthers I see a team that is more than deserving of their chance in the spotlight, of their chance to hold up that Lombardi trophy. I don’t see my team through snapshots of various interpretations of a two minute interview like many other fans do. I will be a fan of the Panthers long after my body is ashes, my spirit will be on the sidelines every single game as a warm gentle Carolina breeze cheering on my boys wherever they’ll go. I still think Cam Newton did nothing wrong. So for the record: I stand with Cam, I stand with the Panthers, and if that makes me ‘sexist’ I’ll stand with that too.

Love you. Mean it.

Brittany

Xoxo

Imagine~John Winston Lennon

Imagine there’s no heaven

It’s easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there’s no countries

It isn’t hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one

I hope some day you’ll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you

You may say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one

I hope some day you’ll join us

And the world will be as one

John Lennon once wrote about his interpretation of a world as one, the song ‘imagine’ became iconic and synonymous with Lennon himself long after his tragic death in 1980. I love this song, not just because it’s a classic but because it’s still relevant today: human nature is source of so many issues today. People have various political and religious beliefs not to mention their own interpretations of heaven and hell but rather than accepting each other’s differences in faith many faiths seem to want to prove they are the ‘correct’ religion. Many people want to take to the streets and harm their neighbors because they didn’t vote for the person which they themselves wanted and voted for. Would people live in peace if there truly was nothing to kill or die for?

People are also greedy, they have a ‘what have you done for me lately?’ attitude which is poisonous to humanity. If there were no sense of rich or poor? Worldly possessions which were to be had versus those have not would the world be more prone to giving? When I look all people who come together after natural disasters I think deeply of this song and wonder if we embraced a sense of mortality and lived like we’d just survived a national disaster how different would our world truly be? Not a world filled with so much hate.

I believe the fabric of America is made up of every day people like you and me who wake up and imagine the world as what we want it to be. In treating others with love, tolerance, and kindness we too can live as one.

If we all imagined like John Lennon I believe the world would be a beautiful place.

Love you. Mean it.

Brittany

Xoxo

Do you remember your first crush?

Ah crushes, they're usually called this because it isn't all hearts and flowers it's a crushing introduction into the world of feelings. Crushes usually never even know you have a crush on them. Unless you're me…I was the original awkward girl when it came to crushes.

My first crush and subsequent crushes beyond that first one all had one thing in common: looks. I was attracted to how they looked and what type of personality they had. Not their interests, not who they hung out with but how they looked and how they treated me.

My first crush was a boy that so happened to be in my kindergarten class, his name isn't important but for the sake of this blog let's just call him "slick". I remember the first time I saw "slick", my hands were sweaty, my heart was racing and I swore that in the whole kindergarten there wasn't a cuter kid to be seen. I kept my feelings for "slick" as quiet as a five year old could often by just staring at him during class and recess. Until one day in first grade during art class, he smiled at me. He smiled at me! So naturally at five and half going on six I took that as he liked me too and so I decided to tell him.

I remember pushing in my stool with a sense of purpose, lining up right behind him. My heart was hammering against my Pocahontas t-shirt as I took each step. Planning out in my head what I was going to say. It took several minutes before I was sure we were out of earshot of busybody classmates and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Do you like me?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, you're okay, I guess." "Slick" replied with a weird sort of look.

"Well I like you," I told him matter-of-factly. " I think you're really cute!"

I remember being able to hear a pin drop before several of my classmates laughed at me, except for Jen who ran to my mortified side, but worst of all was the repulsed and horrified look on "Slick's" face which struck me down. He never even said "hello" to me after that day and I got my first taste of rejection on that unusually warm late April day in 1995.

I also learned to keep my mouth shut when it came to telling people you liked them. See prior to rejection and humiliation we're all like little balls of light that think everything will be okay and the world loves us as much of our families. School is where my self-esteem issues were fed and allowed to grow. Whether it be not feeling smart enough to fit in with the geeks to not being athletic enough to fit in with the jocks. It wasn't that I was unpopular but I wasn't the most sought after person to be included. I wasn't bullied but I didn't have droves of people hanging on my every word. I was just there, well-known but either loved or hated, no middle ground. People either thought the world of me or hated my guts. So it went on throughout my entire High School career, if I liked someone I never showed it because of that first experience of utter repulsion stayed with me. I had dates, sure, usually they were with people in the grade above me or from other schools who didn't know me or my social ranking. I also learned not to sell myself short, I may not be society's vision of beautiful but I had a beautiful soul and a big heart with a lot to give. The rest was superficial.

Did "Slick" realize just how mortifying and shaping that experience in rejection had on me? Probably not, we were six years old after all but it's small little moments like this that have shaped me and made me who I am today and I love who I am today.

You see, born out of rejection I learned to set impeccably high standards for a potential future husband to have and when I met my husband Tom he met those expectations effortlessly. I also learned to take risks because the worst thing that can happen is getting a "no" and gaining a lesson from the experience. I'd rather take risks and be rejected, then stay complacent and in that bubble protected from hurt. I wouldn't have met my husband if I was constantly chasing people who didn't see me for the prize I was.

While rejection stung at times it allowed me to grow to the point where I was sought after, in droves by men especially AFTER I left high school and went to college. Even still, I never lowered my standards. Of course, when I began dating my husband my freshman year of college it all came together so naturally that I realized why everything else came apart. Rejection made me appreciate someone who really valued and appreciated me. I realized I was made for this man Tom and that's why nothing else worked because it wasn't meant to. I was meant to be his and his alone.

Exactly four years after I graduated High School, "Slick" contacted me about wanting to hangout and telling me how beautiful I was. I told him I would meet him at his friend's house and never showed up. I had already been dating my husband for nearly two years, I was not interested in throwing away a sure thing to conquest someone who'd rejected me all throughout school. If I wasn't "good enough" for him to chase after then, he wasn't "good enough" to have me now.

Rejection was the root of my self-esteem issues but it was also the root of my self-worth standards. When I held my first-born niece, Elsie, for the first time I had an overwhelming sense of belonging. Here was where I deserved to be, here was where I belonged.

Just last October, I ran into Slick again at a wedding for our mutual friend. We sat at the same table and caught up. I, about being happily married, with a house, a dog and a steady job which I've held for nine years. He, about being single, still living at home, and working but not making enough to buy his own place quite yet. Although he didn't outright say it, I'm sure he envied to an extent how my life turned out. The boy who'd hardly been rejected lacked a relationship with substance in his life but the girl who had experienced rejection achieved what he was still trying to.

In that moment I felt such pride for my experiences because they led me right to where I was supposed be and in the end I'm very blessed.

Love you. Mean it.

Brittany

Xoxo

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."-Rumi

If I had a nickel for every time someone single that I know talks about walls, I'd have enough money to fly round trip to Dublin and Athens…first class. Being the married friend is hard sometimes, like being subjected to watching close friends go on dating disaster after dating disaster and hearing them say "there's no decent (guys/girls) left in this world. You're so lucky you have Tom". I try to be positive, my go to line is "there's a butt for every seat. You'll find your person, I promise." That line only goes so far especially when you're married nearly 2 years and in a relationship with the same person for 9 1/2 of those years. Your stature of limitation in being able to "understand where they're coming from" has officially run out. If there's one thing I've always been good at, it's people watching. I watch people with my husband ALL the time, body language, tone and nervous ticks. It's amusing but it also offers me exclusive insight to how people tick without being emotionally invested.

Everybody talks about walls, 'well nobody will hurt me if my walls are up'. These are usually the same people who secretly crave for someone to knock them down and prove that they're different, this also brings me to my quote of the day: "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." It's so deep yet so simple. Rumi's quote applies to today in the simple essence that everyone's looking for love but nobody wants to really let their guard down. If we seek someone who will love and cherish us that best way to do that is to love ourselves enough to show people what's on the other side of our Berlin Wall we call our real/vulnerable side. We become so preoccupied with the notion that our vulnerability will make us be seen as weak and give others the opportunity to hurt us emotionally that ultimately we BUILD barriers AGAINST love. Wanting and seeking love is human nature to say "I don't need anyone" is to deny the very biological need in everyone. To love and be loved.

Today, with technology and online dating being the main source of "getting out there and meeting someone" the options which are presented to all of us are overwhelming. We've lost the ability to connect or be vulnerable because we're onto the next option so quickly before anyone gets a chance to know "the real us". If someone's body type or even eye color is unattractive to us we can choose to swipe left instead of right and be onto the next. Relationships are based solely off attraction and not enough on compatibility. That's not to say you shouldn't be attracted to your partner BUT the element of choice makes it hard to focus on getting to know ONE person. They'll always be someone better looking than the person you're dating, just like they'll always be people better looking than you. Regardless we all end up growing old and looks can and will fade (no matter how much plastic surgery the Kardashians invest in) nobody is immune. People tell Tom and I they want what we have, they crave to know our secret for nearly ten years together in a society based off speed dating and instant gratification.

Want to know our secret? Love someone MORE for who they are on the inside then how they look and STOP looking to others outside of your relationship to validate your self worth. Love someone even when you struggle to LIKE them on some days and above all never give up. Fix what's broken, don't simply pull out your phone and look for the next potential mate. We're ALL unattractive and unlovable at times but real love is loving someone and choosing to stand beside them each day despite that. Relationships we see in movies of 24-7 sunshine and smooth sailing aren't realistic. Want to know what it's like to be married? Here's a poem by Steve and Jenna that's been floating around the internet for quite sometime and I'd like to share it with you:

“Marriage is ugly, I’m sure those who are married here will agree.

You see the absolute worst in someone.

You see them when they’re mad, sad, being stubborn and when they are so unlovable they make you scream.

But that is all so worth it.

Because you also get to see them when they are laughing so hard that tears run down their face, when they can’t help but make those weird snorting noises they make only in front of you.

It’s also the getting stressed out about silly little things that are not important. Or eating the culinary delights they cook every evening for your tea.

You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it’s not always pretty.

It’s the strange faces they pull only at you, it’s the tears when it feels like it’s all crashing down.

It’s the bad breath and the farting.

It’s the sniffing of the top lip, the silly walks and the random dances.

It’s the anger that’s not directed at you, but feels SO like it is.

It’s the joy in the happy memory making.

Marriage isn’t a beautiful thing, but it is amazing.

It’s knowing that someone loves you so much, and won’t leave you no matter how nasty you are to them.

It’s having someone have your back, no matter what.

It’s fights over stupid things, like almost everything!!!

But it’s also those nights when you fall asleep in each other’s arms, feeling like you’d never want to be anywhere else.

It’s the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is.

Because at the end of the day, you get to climb into bed, not only with your best friend, but with the weirdest, most annoying, loyal, moodiest, loving, silliest but perfect person you know.

Marriage is not beautiful, but it’s one mad and exciting rollercoaster of a ride, that we want to stay on forever.”

source: http://www.engagedandready.com/marriage-is-ugly/

If we build walls within ourselves, we'll never have authentic love. Authentic relationships are hard to come by because everyone's too busy being the best version of our Tinder/Facebook/Instagram accounts. Authentic relationships don't get to develop when we're constantly looking for the next opportunity or option to meet someone 'better'. That's NOT love.

Rumi was ahead of his time with this quote speaking directly to this confused and disillusioned generation when he encourages people to look within themselves and in the words of President Regan, "tear down that wall!". I implore you to be vulnerable. YES you might get hurt, you might cry or feel broken but you also learn. You'll learn what you like and dislike, what you can look past or view as a deal-breaker. You'll never learn these things or know these things if you don't approach each person you meet with an open mind and open heart. If you look at each person sitting across from you as "too much this" and "not enough that" you might be missing out on someone special.

If two people can open their hearts and minds to commit to one another for better or worse love can come because their all no internal barriers against it.

In conclusion, I leave you with this food for thought, Are you seeking love, without finding (and destroying) all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.?

Love you. Mean it.

Brittany

Xoxo

How many of you have said or remembered saying as kids “I can’t wait till I grow up,” ? Most of the time this was followed up by a classic ‘I won’t have to go to bed at 8 o’clock’, ‘I don’t have to follow my parents’ rules anymore’, ‘I can make my own money and buy that myself’, or ‘I plan on being really rich and having the absolute best the world has to offer.’ I know if I’m being truly honest with myself what I said in my fifth grade yearbook was that I was going to be a famous movie star, live in Hawaii and adopt two children. I am now a 28-year-old preschool teacher, married and still living in New Jersey with no children and no desire to have any quite yet.

See, when we were young we have this illusion that our parents are these demigods who to get to create their own destiny and that we, their children are kind of like their indentured servant’s, we hope one we have it all together, like them. What life doesn’t prepare you for is that one day and at different times in your life you may have many days where you literally sit in your car and cry. No, I’m serious you literally sit there and cry the ugliest cry that you ever will in your life and wonder “why can’t my life be like So-and-So’s? So-and-so has it together, so-and-so is married, has kids she/he manages effortlessly, has a job that he/she absolutely loves, drives an amazing car, and just seems to tackle everything with ease.” The answer is because your journey is different then so-and-so’s journey.

I remember for a good portion of my 20s I kept a lot of my feelings and how I felt like I’ve been failing at adulting to myself. I always I assumed people like my parents and the other adults around me that I grew up knowing and trusting had their ‘act together’ so to speak. I still remember being a pre-teenage girl looking up at my Dad after an argument with my Mom and saying “I just can’t wait till I have my own place till I don’t live here anymore” and he looked at me and he gave me some kind of cryptic smile and said “don’t be in such a rush to grow up because when you do you’ll wish you were a kid again.” I also remember grumbling as I went to my room not sure if that helped my feelings any bit.

The truth is as kids we don’t realize just how easy we have it, with summers off, being told that as long as we kept our room clean we could have friends over, family vacations and all these other things that seem to vanish once we come of age and weight of the world is thrusted upon our shoulders. I haven’t taken an actual vacation in almost two years, before that it was six years. So my father’s words as he promised have come back to haunt me there are days where I wish I could be a kid, however there’s much to learn from growing old too.

See, one of the things about getting older is that you start to see people in your life that you idolized and put on pedestals for a long time and realize that they are human too. The older I got the more I realized my father had to work many long overtime hours just to get us that trip to Disney. The older I got the more I was able to see that even my parents had to sacrifice things that they wanted and needed not just for my brother and I but for the sake of bills. When I got into my 20s I found myself looking around at my peers and thinking that while it seemed they had their act together, they were really doing no better than me. They were going to work each day working long hours to pay for their home/apartment, their student loans and other necessities which were crucial in life like food and electricity, it was then I realized nobody has their act together. While I truly am blessed to have not only my own space, a wonderful husband and amazing fur baby to greet me at the door each day, nothing really prepares you for how hard adulting really is until you’re there.

Adulting is magical but it is also disheartening. You realize all the things that you imagined for yourself when you were little are not realistic. You realize  there’s no such thing as a perfect person. I think one of the greatest blessings I was able to take away from my experience being an adult is that everybody has their flaws and their quirks, when we are young they don’t really come to the surface so much because we are the ones that are being cared for. Once you’re an adult you a window into who someone truly is as a person. You get to share your life experiences with them and listen to their life experiences wordlessly only hoping to one day turn out as well as they did.

The ugly truth about being an adult is that you will never feel like you’re doing it right but that’s when you know that you actually are doing it right. We all just do our best and pray that our best is enough to get by, we all cry when we are faced with personal failures and crushing defeats, we all stumble. It is also important to realize that we are only human and that with the right support in life we can get through anything.

The biggest thing adult thing has taught me is that you’re never really alone in your struggles. I’ve learned to surround myself with people that love and support me no matter what and I’ve also learned to love myself. My mantra each day is ‘I did everything I could today to make the world a better place, to make a difference in the lives of people who know me. I am also human I realize that I have flaws and I realize the only way that I am ever going to succeed is if I learn from those around me.’

Being an adult has taught me that we are all deep down still children who want to be accepted, want to be loved and want to find their unique place in this hectic world and leave their mark for years to come. Some of us are destined to lead quiet lives until we pass away but some of us are destined to be in the spotlight and be the movers and shakers of this world. When I was young, I used to think I would be one of those movers and shakers but now that I’m older I realize that although I may not be the mover or shaker in the spotlight that my words and actions do have the ability to influence somebody who may become one in the future. Perhaps my influence will make somebody who is destined to be a mover and shaker cross my path and maybe I meant influence them in more ways than I could ever imagine.

Being an adult isn’t always easy, but in the grand scheme of things what it offers is beautiful and enough.

Love you. Mean it.

Brittany

Xoxo