What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?
Having a long life is a privilege, not a right.
Not everyone gets a long life, though there are many deserving people of it.
The concept of it is whimsical. We’re often told that to die “old and in our beds” is the way to go.
I agree and disagree to this testament. I agree in the sense that a long life is good if you truly live it, learn from it, and experience it. I agree that it is good if you can learn from your mistakes, pick yourself up with grace when you fall short of others as well as your own expectations and commit to being better every day. A long life is lovely if you allow life to be your teacher.
I disagree in the sense that a long life can be lonely if you allow yourself to get trapped in cycles, never take chances, and stick only to what you know. A long life can be repetitive and unyielding if you allow your failures the opportunity to thwart you from trying again. Life can be hard and unforgiving when patterns aren’t broken and you allow fear to dictate your decision.
Ultimately the concept of ‘a long life’ lies in each and every one of us. We are the authors of our stories. Some of us will die young and have extremely fulfilling experiences which make up for the lack of longevity; while some of us will live to a ripe old age and gain nothing from what life tried to teach them. However, the blessed few, will achieve both.
The only concept I put much stock in is hope. For hope is something that can never be taken from us and I hope my loved ones and I should be so lucky to be blessed with such meaningful longevity.
Incase you cared: The northern lights are really freaking hard to sketch digitally. A lot of artists use Procreate and I use iArtbook which the tools work differently on. The prompts for the last two days didn’t intrigue me. Blogging everyday for me is unrealistic but I do want to blog more than once a week so here’s a sneak peak on what I’m working on. A lot of tears, frustration, and frequent breaks around this work and I’m still nowhere near done with it.
I’m debating downloading Procreate just for the hell of it to see if I can have an easier time blending then I do on here but regardless, my time will consist on getting this piece ready for release on Thursday, October 26th.
You can check out some of my recent works below:
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Other links which feature various artists which might interest you can be found here:
Right now, there’s 20% off my entire shop until midnight. Supporting local artists who put their hearts and souls into all they create versus giving your money to mass produced art by corporations is a good way to invest in your community both local and abroad. Consider supporting local shops and small businesses today!
I still remember the first time I had an ice cream sandwich. We were staying with my cousins wife’s family in Fawn Lake, Pennsylvania. When you’re a kid, every new place you visit is magical. There’s a part of me that would like to go back and see if that lake is still the same way. While everything seems beautiful to a child and I was very young, I remember it was beautiful. There were lily pads in the lake and the scenery was something out of a storybook. People gathering with friends and loved ones, even the house we stayed at was stunning.
There was a concession stand nearby, and after swimming most of the afternoon, I was pretty hungry. My cousins wife, Debbie, had a sister named Marianne and I remember her offering me the treat. I stared at it for a second, it looked different than any kind of ice cream I’ve ever had prior and there’s always that slight rush of anxiety before you try something you’ve never tried before, and I definitely felt that before I took my first bite. It was delicious! After I had my first ice cream sandwich that became one of my favorite treats to enjoy on a hot summer day.
When I think back on my childhood, I think of ice cream sandwiches in the summertime. I like when they’re slightly melted but not too much.
If you want to try something, you’ve never done before, check out my art shop below and purchase something lovely for your home!
In a morally corrupt world, such as the one we live in today, having a set of guiding principles is an asset. Simply turn on the news for five minutes, and you’ll find a lack of principles and moral compasses that people in today’s world have. As highlighted most recently in the senselessly hateful attacks against Israel, people are capable of great evil. I would go so far as to say between the conflict in the Middle East, as well as the conflict between Russia and the Ukraine there is a deep sense of moral dysfunction. People are unique: we come from many walks of life. We are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Wiccan, and many others. Hell, some of us are even atheist. We are white, black, brown, tan, and red. We are straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, a sexual and pansexual. We are male, female, non-binary, and some of us even prefer not to say. These are all small things that make up who we are, they’re drops in the ocean compared to the love we are all capable of in our hearts. They are “small potatoes”, compared to what we are all united in and that’s our human experience.
I’d say the biggest principles of what I follow in my life is acceptance of people for who they are. I may not be friends with people whose lifestyles are not similar to mine, and more often than not whether consciously or unconsciously I chose to surround myself with likeminded folks I can relate to. That being said, I have a guiding principle to be respectful and kind. I may struggle to relate or understand (in my own humanity) those different from myself but I believe everyone on this earth has a role to fulfill a higher purpose from the Source (God, as he’s called in my faith). As such, we are all siblings, who come from “The Source” and everyone has the right to be accepted, respected, and treated kindly. As with all families, there are some family members we naturally gravitate to because we feel closer to them, and there are others we keep more of a distance with and talk to every now and then. We still love them though because they are (at the end of the day in lieu of our differences) our family.
There is this idea that as Christians when Jesus calls us to “love one another as I have loved you” that we have to just be around people we inherently don’t like or don’t value what we value. I doubt he would expect staunch liberals and ridiculously uptight conservatives to sit down and become best friends over dinner together but he would call them to be kind and respectful of those differences. When Jesus says “love one another” he doesn’t mean stay around people who made you uncomfortable or upset, but he does ask that we would pray for them, be kind regardless, and move forward respecting their life choices regardless of how different from ours they are. Because when we respect others, we are showing love to one other.
As a Christian sometimes in society there’s this warped idea that Jesus is this vengeful person, and if we don’t suck everybody’s ass, we’re going to go to hell, and I don’t believe that. Jesus knew when he died on the cross for all of us that we would struggle with our humanity. It is written so many times and in so many places “the spirit is strong, but the flesh is weak”. We as humans are constantly in battle internally, our spirit versus our flesh and unfortunately, a lot of the time we succumb to the needs of the flesh. The needs of the flesh offer, fleeting satisfaction, however, we are not nourishing our souls, and therefore we have a malnourished spirit. This allows a lot of people to feel empty and filled with indignation, hate, and greed. I’ve read in several places there are two wolves inside of us, and the one we feed the one we become.
Truthfully, our human hearts and minds cannot accurately judge someone the way our Source can. Most of us, live our lives like new drivers on the road. When I first got my license, everything took me off guard and I was constantly over diligent about what the other person next to me was doing. ‘Would they cut me off? Would they hit me?’ When we focus on how things effect ourselves and our personal preferences, we’re not seeing the whole picture. We are not seeing how our words and actions might make someone else feel. We are seeing a sample snapshot- not the full picture. That’s not to say that our experiences and our feelings aren’t valid, (they are!) but when we focus solely on ourselves, and not how our actions may be perceived by others, we’re acting of the flesh. When we try to understand what experiences shaped that person to who they are, we are able to respect them and love them the way that we are intended to.
I am not the Dalai Lama. I am not Jesus Christ. I am not Abraham. I am not Muhammed . As a disclaimer, my spirit and my flesh are at war daily. Some days, I am philosophical and full of love, understanding, and patience. Some days if someone cuts me off in the parking lot, I just simply say “God love you” and pray for them. Other days, my flesh wins and I, like Batman, am vengeance. Some days, I am so tunnel visioned on myself and impatient that the “jerk wad” in the parking lot I mentioned earlier gets the horn (loudly) and the finger (proudly). I think so many of us are so caught up in the idea of being perfect that we lose sight of the fact we were never designed to be perfect. The source knew when they created us that we would be imperfect. Although I am imperfect, I do my best to live by the principles of everyone deserving acceptance-even on days I’m flipping off the parking lot offender.
When we accept others, we also accept ourselves. When we accept others, we also nurture our souls with a different perspective that may be different from our own. I think the misconception that we need to be “best friends“ with people who think differently than we do, hang out with them, know their mother’s first names is what is hurting humanity today. We can love and respect somebody without offering them a seat at our table. All our Source asks for is that we coexist and “don’t be an asshole”.
As a result of malnourished spirits, some people have extremist ideas that these people who are different from them need to be eliminated. This is a dangerous way of thinking. As I mentioned before, my guiding principles in my life is the belief that the Source created everyone exactly the way they were intended to be for a greater role and purpose therefore our acceptance is mandatory. The idea of forcing someone to conform to someone else’s beliefs and ideals, in order to create a sense of peace is the exact opposite of what the Source intended.
The principle of acceptance extends beyond ourselves. We have the right to be accepted for exactly who we are, and others have the right to be accepted for exactly how they are. We simply need to coexist with others. We don’t need to have them over for game night, share a meal with them, we do not need to socialize with them at all if we choose not to but we do have to accept them, and when we encounter them “in the wild” (aka the outside world) just be kind. When we coexist and accept others, for who they are, we are loving them as we love ourselves, and we are valuing them as we value ourselves. This is a principle I stand by no matter what kind of day I’m having. Everyone has the right to be here. Everyone has a purpose in this world. Everyone (regardless of their religion, race, creed, identity, both sexual and gender related) has the right to feel safe in their neighborhoods and communities at large. Nobody has a right to take another’s peace and right to live in peace from them. Nobody has the right to change someone’s sense of who they are.
The idea of there being one uniform way of thinking in order to bring about peace is asinine. Fighting wars and attacking people who believe differently than them to bring about said peace is like “fucking for virginity”. We can’t breed a world of love and acceptance when we seek to attack anyone different than we are in order to bring about that love and acceptance. Love and acceptance comes from giving people their space and dignity to live their lives the way they choose to. They love and accept you in return when they give you the space and dignity to live your life the way you choose to.
The principles I hold dear are principles that many in the world today struggle with. On my good days, I often pray that those who struggle find their way back to the Source and therefore find their way back to love and acceptance. On other days I can only put into practice what I preach.
It’s Monday, October 9th 2023. At the end of my day and I’m staring at the to-do list I made earlier. Lists help me overcome my high functioning anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD. The one task at the bottom of the list that I’ve been putting off is an important one. It’s already late—I still haven’t gotten to it.
I tell myself I’ll tackle marketing on Instagram for my art webpage tomorrow but tomorrow turns into the next day until I invoke the self imposed ‘deadline’ on myself.
Suddenly I’m Taylor Swift in ‘Anti-Hero’: “it’s me, hi! I’m the problem it’s me.”
Almost everyone procrastinates at one point or another. For many, especially me, the issue doesn’t interfere with my quality of life. Instead of getting ticked off at my continually procrastinating, and then regretting it, I get a rush from being on a deadline and cutting it close.
In college my highest graded papers were ones I pulled ‘all nighters’ writing. The heightened anxiety of needing to get it done giving each assignment that something extra. Marketing as it turns out isn’t as easy as term papers, and I put off doing shameless promotion for such a long time because I’m the same woman who walks into a store and if I’m spoken about promotional deals or asked if I need help by the sales clerks, I leave. Why on earth would I want to do that to my followers?
The song ‘Work Bitch’ by Britney Spears creeps into my brain like a catchy jingle from your local fast food joint because if I hope to have my name known and have my art featured in galleries all over then I need to ‘get to work Bitch’ and getting to work included marketing my work and yes, promoting it.
Knowing this needed to get done I was forced to ask myself a serious question: Am I closet adrenaline junkie—or is my procrastination pointing to something more serious?
Here’s what I came up with:
Feeling Bored Marketing is boring & unpleasant, I literally created three different works before I buckled down and started drawing up a strategy for my social media marketing plan.
Fear and Anxiety Another reason I procrastinate? I know nothing about marketing-I’m terrified I’m going to suck at it and not sell anything. My ambition can be debilitating sometimes, I want success so badly but the steps to get there can be very overwhelming to me. The idea that I need to convince family, friends and strangers to buy my art to hang in their homes. That’s a responsibility I take seriously. One thing I am good at? Art and wanting to connect with people who appreciate unique styles of art. It’s the sales part I have anxiety about which goes back to not being the pushy salesperson. Then there’s the matter of, will I reach enough people to be successful?
Perfectionism Remember my Anti-Hero moment? Hi, I’m Brittany and I’m a recovering perfectionist. I’ve gotten better but I have days I relapse and those days play a role in my procrastination. I’ve delayed marketing tasks because I believe I won’t do well or that fail altogether at it . I combated this but studying other Instagrams of artists and craftspeople and see how they market. As I felt more inspired I gained confidence which gave me the strength to do it.
Ultimately by Wednesday I buckled down and did my best. Instead of trying to be too pushy I’m going to be me. I like writing and creating. I’ve been told I’m great with words so I was able to string together something hopefully not to cheesy but I’ll let you all be the judge of that. Follow me on Instagram: @simplybrittanymschmidt.
I was putting off marketing my art for various reasons listed above but once I got out of my own way I accomplished it.
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
“Grown up” is such a loaded word considering half the time I feel like I’m just winging it. Seriously, some days I feel super ‘grown up’, after all, there’s the bills which come to our house addressed to my husband and I, the liquor store clerks who no longer card us (long gone are the days where we looked young enough to NOT drink but we still look good for our age), and the stranger’s kids who refer to Tom and I as “ma’am” and “sir” when they want to ask us something.
It’s weird. One day you’re young, clubbing, and running to work on three hours of sleep and the next you have a special chair, a television show you need to be in said chair for, and needing at least 6-8 hours of sleep (oh and coffee!) to function at work. Wild weekends in Atlantic City become shopping flash sales at Hobby Lobby. That’s not to say we’re not ‘fun’. In the last three years Tom and I have gone to several local live concerts, comedy shows, and found a cozy winery that looks right out of a Hallmark Movie. We’ve become quite fond of kayaking on the lake by our home, visiting historic downtowns, and spending quality time together.
Becoming an adult for me has been deeply personal. Working on regulating my emotions, speaking up when I feel hurt, and sometimes saying nothing at all is something I learned along the way. I don’t need the last word, I focus on me and those closest to me. No response is a loud response and nobody is entitled to my time or energy unless it is a mutual exchange. Learning to set boundaries and say “no” has triggered big “adult” feelings in me because I’m no longer allowing anyone to influence my choices outside of my little family. Tom and I chose what’s best for us, it’s how we operate, and it’s what works best for us. We don’t owe anyone any excuse or explanation as to “why?”.
I hold no grudges towards people and places I outgrew, I am grateful for these experiences both good and bad. However, I am extremely choosey about who gets a seat at my table. Being an adult is recognizing that giving someone my forgiveness doesn’t entitle them to a seat at my table. While I can’t make others accept that, I can make my expectations clear and control what’s in my power to protect my peace, my little family’s peace.
Many of us learned unhealthy coping skills, I feel like a true adult and I recognize others as true adults when there’s accountability in play. Perfection is an unrealistic expectation but through communication, accountability, and commitment to the people you love as well as their commitment to you that is what true “adulting” means to me.
Some days, I do not feel very “adult” others I feel extremely “adult” and that’s okay!
I’ve been missing in action. During that time I’ve become an independent contractor through Fine Art America. So I’m officially an artist which still feels so surreal saying since I’ve always loved art from the time I was small. This is a beautiful chance for me to showcase talents I’ve kept to myself and shared exclusively with all of you on here. My husband, Tom, has been such an amazing help behind the scenes with uploading/ formatting my works and just encouraging me. Tom been encouraging me to do this for years and with him behind me, I can do anything. He basically works for free but he truly enjoys helping out and watching me grow my small business!
I launched the site last week and it wasn’t even up a full 24 hours before I got a sale! It is a beautiful and gratifying moment when you’re recognized and when other artists put you on their watch lists! I’m humbled and blessed beyond belief for the support I’ve received! I am still going to be posting on here but I’m slowly going to be moving towards using this blog for promotion while answering the daily prompts so people can get to know the artists behind the art. Point is, I’ll have more time to be active!
Please check out my artwork below and consider supporting your local artists in lieu of buying mass produced canvases from major retail stores. Putting money in the pockets of talented artists who put their hearts into every piece they do versus corporations is a way to support art community at large.
Right now I’m running two promotions: one on my most recently released work, “Open Spaces and Beautiful Places” 50% off regular price for a 16 x 20 sized canvas and “A Clash of Darkness and Light” 50% off regular price for an 8 x 10 canvas. All canvases are museum quality, click the link below for details!
I am writing this letter to us from 66 years in the past. I’m not sure if we’ll still be here, in fact, that’s the true mystery of life we’re never really sure when our number is going to come up and we’ll be called home to Christ but I want you to know-I’m proud of us.
I am proud of all the times we tried and failed but got up again and kept going. I am proud of all the crisis, heartache, and disappointments we faced with faith, hope and love. I am proud of all the times we tried and succeeded to celebrate everything we’ve accomplished. I am proud of all the birthdays, holidays, events, anniversaries, joyfulness, and excitements we’ve faced with gratitude, humility and a strong sense of purpose. I’m proud of all the ways we’ve grown, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
I recognize there were times in our life that we simply did the best we could with the tools that we had at the time. Tools which I don’t have yet, but are yet to receive. For all the times we disappointed others around us and couldn’t be what they needed from us-I forgive and show grace to us. I also recognize that for every time we let someone down we also lifted someone up and was exactly what they needed from us and for that- I am grateful we were able to be an instrument of God’s love in action.
By this time, we’ve have likely seen so many of our family and friends pass on. For that, I marvel at our strength. I imagine it’s not too easy, burying somebody we’ve spent so much of our lives with. I imagine it was especially difficult to say goodbye to mom and dad. But I know you, I know you because I am you, and in knowing you, I also know that you would live every day of your life to the fullest to honor each and everyone of the people you lost.
There are so many things I wish for us. I hope we got to live life to the fullest, that we got to travel, see cities, try new foods, and meet new people. I hope that as we rest our head at the end of each day we’re are so proud of the life we’ve led so far. I hope that Tom is still alive and right alongside of us to share your experiences, but just in case he passed away before us, I hope we know that he’s always by our side.
Life is a Bittersweet Symphony, at least according to the Verve. I hope the symphony which made up our life so far carried more high notes than low ones. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, whatever experiences we faced to make up where we are today I hope we can say our life was well spent and filled with immense blessings. I also hope you know that somewhere in the distant past there’s a younger version of us who’s cheering you on and praying you too.
It’s 9:30 on a Tuesday night, I just finished watching the latest live stream from my YouTuber friend Henry Resilient. I got up from bed, stretched real big, and finished another breathing exercise suggested by Dr. Nicole LePera. How to Meet Yourself is Dr. LePera’s second book in workbook format which helps you to connect with your inner self and meet your needs so that you can meet other’s needs more efficiently therefore becoming the best version of you. I reached for my phone and read a text message I received from a long time friend. More on that later but first, some context.
Last summer, without getting into too much detail, I had hit a figurative brick wall in my self healing journey. There was a lot of unresolved and painful past trauma which was showing up repeatedly in my present day life. It overwhelmed me and reeked havoc on me emotionally. As somebody who gave entirely too much of themselves to everyone else in their life, who was seen as one who had their “shit together”, the perfectionist, and the ball of sunshine it was very hard for me to admit to those around me that love me that I struggled and needed help. My anxiety had gotten to a point where even things that I would rationally never even consider could be true were seeping into my consciousness and leaving me in a constant state of fight or flight.
When I found Dr. Nicole‘s book, I was skeptical. After all, therapy can be very helpful to some, but I didn’t believe I fell into that category. The idea of telling a total stranger about my struggles with anxiety, ‘good girl’ syndrome, and perfectionism seemed foreign to me. So, I picked up this book in a very unsuspecting way. Little did I know, these exercises would be very helpful to me, so that I could help myself. The book changed my life.
Dr. LePera’s psychological practice centers on the self and “empowerment,” and how personal choices affect our mental, physical, and spiritual wellness. She calls the process she promotes “self-healing,” although the principal central to it could also be described as self-determination. You gotta want to do the work is a central theme in How to Meet Yourself. This isn’t surprising as the fact that her second book is a follow up installment to her first book, How to do the work. Dr. LePera aims to help ordinary people like us recognize how adverse experiences and trauma in childhood live with us, resulting in whole body dysfunction—activating harmful stress responses that keep us stuck engaging in patterns of codependency, emotional immaturity, and trauma bonds. Unless addressed, these self-sabotaging behaviors can quickly become a vicious cycle, leaving people feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, and unwell.
One of the things that really stuck out to me on this journey of self discovery and healing, was how many of us operate from a purely emotional standpoint. We look at things that happen in our lives, as happening to us rather than being merely a reflection back at us from the person lashing out from an emotional place. Dr. LePera encourages us not to look at the action which caused us pain but rather get curious about the pain that person who hurt us feels which caused them to lash out in such a way.
I have come a long way since picking up that book at the end of January. Learning who authentic Brittany really was beyond all the layers of social conditioning and expectations has been a roller coaster of thoughts, feelings and observations of myself and even those I love. Recognizing and seeing patterns have helped me to put myself back in the drivers seat rather than my fleeting emotions. Some days, are easier than others. Some days I am feeling like the epitome of success and self empowerment and others I’m a crying mess on my bathroom floor. The thing about self-healing that nobody tells you is that there’s no timeline for completion. It’s an ever evolving game, like Pokémon Go, just when you think you’ve reached the top there’s more levels added to heal, learn, and grow from. This book really changed the way I view how others treat me. It has helped me to see that most of the time how others treat me isn’t about how I am, but rather how they see themselves. Dr. Nicole ultimately taught me that people’s behavior towards me is rarely about me. It’s about resurfacing trauma in the individual projecting that emotional pain onto you. When we heal these traumas, we heal ourselves, instead of perpetuating behaviors which do not serve us to grow and often result in hurting others. Trauma un-healed is trauma that festers and gets passed down generationally. That is where the term generational trauma comes from.
In one particular situation, a person we’ll call L came into my life that was triggering me and I couldn’t understand why they literally triggered in me a fight or flight response every time we interacted. I did not like L something felt off about them and it drove me insane. I tried to ignore it as my husband enjoyed the company of L and their partner but the more I repressed it the worse it got until one day, after a failed attempt to flee from the situation which plagued me, I exploded on everyone involved. It was ugly and although my feelings were valid (everyone’s are!) how I reacted to those feelings was not okay.
It was only after reading Dr. Nicole’s book that I discovered L reminded me of someone from my past who deeply wounded me. I felt like I was a teenager again with no voice or no concern showed to how I felt and well, it hurt. I also realized because I felt disempowered and invalidated, because I felt like a teenager I dug my heels into that proverbial dirt and acted as a teenager would. I never realized how often this plays out with people, when they experience trauma similar to what they experienced in the past, they literally revert and react in the same way they had at whatever age they were in the past. If we look closely, we can see how trauma sends us all on a journey through time and space right back to a time where we felt unloved, unworthy, unheard and invalidated. When we learn this about ourselves, we learn not to shame ourselves for feeling such things. Most of us, react to situations and people on pure emotion alone, without actually sitting with our emotions and trying to determine the root of why we feel the way we do. When we step away and allow ourselves to feel how we feel, and give ourselves time and permission to articulate those feelings without letting those emotions drive our actions and reactions then we validate and empower ourselves.
I wondered how that hurt me might have reacted had L not reacted in a similar way as the person who caused me the pain to begin with: would the outcome have been different ? Had I communicated my feelings and needs better would L have dismissed my feelings like the person from my past they reminded me of who had always dismissed and invalidated me? I’ll never know. Perhaps if L got curious instead of insulted by my reaction it would have prompted a more deeper conversation and knowledge of how one another operates. People-it turns out-aren’t mind readers and a knee jerk reaction when feeling slighted isn’t to try to understand why. Again, we see things as happening to us rather then traumas being triggered and reflected back at us. Patterns-as it also turns out-become habit and when L reacted in the same way as the person who hurt me would have I found myself reacting in the same way that I would in countless disagreements with the person who hurt me. I was no longer seeing L as a separate person from the one who caused my trauma-I saw them as one in the same.
Understanding this allows me to show myself love and compassion. After all, we do the best we can with the knowledge and tools we have at the time but we’re only human and there’s always room for growth. The girl inside of me who was hurt and invalidated still deserved love and validation. Seeing my reaction as a trauma response rather than a problem was empowering. The experience of that situation with L, despite the pain, was beneficial to my emotional growth and allowed me to take steps to heal the parts of myself that were damaged at the hands of others (who I reflect compassionately were also damaged). This has really given me a level of compassion that I never had before. It is leveling up in the best possible way.
That is not to say I wasn’t a compassionate person before, I just had never thought of people’s “overreactions” as triggers which had nothing to do with the person they were lashing out at but everything to do with them being reminded of a person or an instance they were hurt in by their past. I saw this objectively, as I studied my own past behavior from adolescence all the way up to present day adulthood. Very rarely, were my passionate rants, defensiveness, bursts of irritability, need for reassurance, and stubborn attitude about the person it was directed at, but rather it was stemmed from a feeling of being unheard, unable to regulate my emotions and not feeling safe to express them, finally, I felt invalidated. At the core, every person wants to feel validated. At the core, every person seeks love and acceptance for who they are. This is the reason if you go on Reddit and read different content a page called ‘Am I The Asshole?’ exists. People naturally seek reassurance from others that their emotions are valid and justified.
Remember that part where I said ‘more on that later’? Here’s how it all ties in. Tuesday night, I was given a very rare opportunity to put into practice what I had been learning. For roughly 21 years I had a friendship that meant a great deal to me. For further context, my friend we’ll call J and I met in middle school and the nature of our friendship has and always would be more like siblings. After all, I’m a happily married woman with a 9 year-old Jack Russell and a husband who is literally my whole world. Tom and I have been together for the last 15 years and I’m lucky because I’m truly married to my best friend & soulmate. J and Tom got along well too and I counted myself lucky to still have J around since we had essentially grown up together had seen each other through some happy and difficult times. Our friendship was also strictly platonic, even before I met and fell in love with Tom and always had more of a sibling vibe to it than anything else. When my husband and I relocated, my friend J, was there to help us move in. When J needed a place to stay for a competition he was competing in that was nearby our home Tom and I not only allowed him to stay over but we went to cheer J on at his competition. So when I reached for my phone and saw the text I received I took a moment to collect myself before responding.
‘I can’t have Snapchat anymore. It is a problem for my relationship and I cannot keep in contact with you anymore. It is disrespectful to my girlfriend and I can’t keep it anymore, thank you for understanding’
And just like that, after 21 years my friend J shared with me that we can longer stay in contact out of respect for his relationship with his girlfriend, A, who I had yet to even meet. I took a few moments to feel the myriad of emotions which flashed within me before replying. To be honest, I commend him on his willingness to put his relationship first. As someone who has been in a committed relationship for 15 years I understand the value of trust within a relationship. Although I must admit I was and still am rather confused as to what made A so uncomfortable about his and I’s friendship. We were never inappropriate towards one another in all the years we’d known each other and I would never intentionally want to be the cause of stress between the two of them.
When J told me about this new relationship I was really happy for them both and looked forward to meeting her. I would ask how A was doing every time my friend and I talked. I wanted her to feel welcome, accepted, and included. J and I had a Snapchat streak for over 1,500 days where we usually sent pictures back and forth of our first cup of coffee in the morning or our dogs. I send my friend the same things I send my 26 year old brother Joseph (who was also at one point good friends with J’s younger brother) just for context of what our snaps are. I also am 100% guilty of sending him (along with my other friends) funny 90s nostalgia videos on Instagram.
After sending my reply to J I reached out to A on Instagram sharing all of this because I know that she does not know me but I would have loved a chance for her to get to know me. Sure I could’ve gotten angry and for a little while I allowed myself to feel those emotions many feel are bad emotions called anger, hurt, disappointment, and indignation. I allowed myself to sit with those feelings before I got curious about whyA felt disempowered by my mere presence in J’s life? After all, if she had met and disliked me I would have stepped away from the friendship no questions asked because at the heart of it, J’s a great person who deserves to be happy and not some third wheel like he was for years when he, Tom and I would go places. I was looking forward to getting to know A (alongside my husband) and building a friendship with her like I’ve had with J over the years.
I closed my direct message to A in saying that while I disagree with them, I do respect her feelings and at the end of the day, I want all of my friends, including J, to be happy even if that means I’m no longer a part of their story. To date she has not read the message I sent her in defense of my multi-decade spanning friendship and I’m not sure she will. I made my closing statement in defense of a friendship I struck up with a shy new guy in 7th grade English class 21 years ago and I chose to defend myself with compassion instead of malice towards the person who took free will from J and I ending our friendship in the most inorganic way. I chose to meet her decision with curiosity and attempt to understand what made her feel that way. I aimed to see beyond how hurt I felt as a result of her decision.
Sure, I was and still am disappointed that my friendship with J has become a casualty of he and A’s relationship but it felt empowering to reach out to her and say that I respect that decision despite my disagreement with it. Ultimately, we all feel invalidated at times, and we all crave security. Insecure people tend to have controlling tendencies, they’ll try to tell the people closest to them whom they feel is worthy of their time and attention caring very little if it infringes upon someone’s free will and sense of self. This sense of control empowers the insecure individual because most of their life they felt very powerless.
In the end, being the bigger person made me feel like a better person inside and certainly made me see all that growth I experienced and knowledge from Dr. Nicole and even my past experiences put into practice. I had every right and opportunity to lash back out at the injustice of the whole situation but I did not. Instead as I sent that message to A on Instagram and felt an incredible sense of a full-circle moment. I also removed J from my contacts and all of my social media platforms. I’m a woman of my word and one who does her best to live each day with integrity; so I graciously stepped away from a 21 year friendship out of respect for J’s relationship. It is my sincere hope that A reconsiders her stance on this decision but if that’s not the case I wish she and J lots of health, happiness, growth and love.
Although it hurt, in the end I gave myself a wonderful gift when I allowed myself to process my emotions, gave myself permission to feel them, and chose to get curious instead of mad .
P.S. If you’d like to check out my friend Henry Resilient on YouTube he can be found here: https://youtube.com/@HenryResilient . He’s a former investor turned content creator who’s covered Jason David Frank, xQc and Adept the Best, & Andrew Tate. He values facts over feelings and gets the answers based on facts!
We all live life with the hope that somehow; somewhere we’re making a difference. Sometimes in life we struggle; we wonder what our greater purpose in this grand scheme called life truly is. We look to others like they have all the answers when truthfully we’re all just crawling around this earthly plane like toddlers-exploring, learning, and growing from our experiences. Life is filled with blessings and lessons. In fact, I believe strongly that The Verve accurately described life as “a bittersweet symphony” that is often understated in the peak and pitfalls which make up the human experience.
I hope that all of you-when you’re feeling lost or low- can remember what makes you different is also your greatest asset in what you bring to the table of life. Your super power in this world is that there is nobody quite like you. We all have a mission here on this earthly plane, each one of us serves a divine purpose. Being your own brand of different is being your own brand of beautiful. It is an inner magic, that you alone possess, and that magic is limitless. Stay magical my beautiful souls; if you’re struggling take each day one moment at a time and if even that’s too much take it one millisecond at a time. You are have a right to be loved as you are. You are valued, needed, and have a higher purpose to be here. Perfectionism is a myth; we all are here to learn, grow, and become the best versions of ourselves. BE KIND & SHOW YOURSELF SOME DAMN GRACE. Absofuckinlutely 😘
Exactly like 1st Grade Where You're Told To Keep A Journal… Just Add Adulthood.
Are You There Friday? It's Me, Brittany. 