Category: Coffee and Confessions

Celebrity Marriages: The Real Reason They All Fall Apart

Anyone who remembers the infamous 72 day marriage between Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian remembers also probably the jokes which came after it. #ThingsThatLastLongerThanAKardashianWedding anyone?

But if you really dissect celebrity marriages and look past the reason given to all of us namely “irreconcilable differences” you find that many of these unions which are overly hyped, overly televised, and overly quick (before they are in divorce court of course) they all have very common denominators.

For starters both parties within the marriage are famous. Most celebrities are used to having things their way or no way. They are used to having personal assistance, plenty of fans and even social media at their beck and call. When you have two people with egos the size of Mount Rushmore you’re bound to run into issues.

Add this with the fact that most celebrities have obligations whether it be film, television, media, or charity events which require their attention. By month six, (if the marriage lasts so long) you’re looking at two people who’ve become virtual strangers and only get maybe a couple days free every 3-4 months to spend time together. Spending time with your spouse is a big factor in long-term success of a marriage when a celebrity’s time is divided that leaves room for growing away instead of together.

This brings me to my next and final point, celebrities are also surrounded by a lot of equally good-looking and equally famous co-stars. Who remembers what caused Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston to split up? I seem to recall a very popular costar called Angelina Jolie being the culprit. when celebrities are in situations where for months at a time they are acting or working closely with another celebrity which they are expected to either perform with or have a romantic relationship in the film with it’s very easy for these actors and actresses to get swept up in their roles and also mistakingly believe they are actually in love with their coworker. The distance which was already mentioned in the above paragraph before this is amplified when someone else is there to fill in the gap.

Irreconcilable differences in my opinion is just a very nice way to say ‘well we didn’t think things through and we don’t have the time or the energy with our schedules to commit the way we should to each other’.

Who was your favorite celebrity power a couple that broke up and broke your heart? Leave a comment below and don’t forget to tune in next week.

The One In Which I Was Expecting A Surprise Party

But I still have no clue when it will be…

I know, I know I didn’t post on Friday but I turned 30 so may I be excused? For my 30th birthday I decided to take a different approach instead of planning something for myself I decided to leave it in the hands of my husband to plan a little birthday celebration for me, the problem with that is that I forgot just how much relinquishing control over something as simple as a plan for someone with anxiety is very tough.

My actual birthday (this past Wednesday) was a pretty good, pretty ordinary day. I went to work, had dinner with my parents and enjoyed the lovely sounds of my brand new record player which my husband surprised me with it that morning.

Now, the Friday leading up to my birthday weekend I spent at the allergist (yet again) the good news is I’m pretty sure I figured out what’s giving me these hives, I am now 99% sure the environment and a particularly bad allergy season is to blame. Apparently as we get older our bodies are subject to change in how they react to the environment and other allergy factors and apparently mine decided it’s a good idea just to break out every time it isn’t feeling too awesome. For my teens and early 20s I got chronic sinus headaches and infections it seems for my 30s it seems I will be breaking out in hives every time my body is uncomfortable with an allergen.

Now after being probed and prodded all day Friday afternoon I looked forward to the weekend because well I didn’t know what was supposed to go on I was totally thrilled with the idea my husband was probably planning something really freaking awesome for me on my birthday. On Saturday, we went out to eat at my favorite Mexican restaurant after church and we even got ice cream for dessert I’m not talking regular ice cream like I usually get on Saturdays, I’m talking a Carvel ice cream cake. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to see my friends but I know what my husband has planned for me will be totally awesome.

I would describe turning 30 as being on the very tippy top of a roller coaster because while you hope as you age you could still keep your youth and peace of mind you know it’s probably all downhill from there. All joking aside, though I’m very happy to see 30 and I hope that I have many, many, more years of blessings and lessons in store.

The One Where I Found Out I’m Highly Allergic To Horses and Other Outdoor Things

One of my best friends, Davey, once said every year since he turned 25 years old he gained something wrong with him medically. Humor, is always the best medicine, and I’m inclined to agree. If the option is there to laugh at something versus cry I will always choose laughter. Initially, my severe eczema was the reason behind my trip to the allergist. I wanted to know what was causing my flare ups and after a stint in the hospital after eating at an all you can eat Chinese buffet I wanted answers and I wanted them NOW.

Unfortunately this journey has been one of complications. Not only did I test negative for major food allergies (I’m getting retested this coming Friday just to be certain ), I now have to log EVERYTHING I eat. Piece of gum? Log it! Cookie from the church gathering after mass? Log it! Not knowing WHY your body is telling you somethings wrong and not knowing WHAT it is causing it is extremely frustrating. I have now been to the allergist two weeks in a row with no clear cut answer, BUT despite this the silver lining is that much like my friend Davey, I’m finding humor in finding out more about my allergies at 30.

Here’s what I found out that I AM without a shadow of a doubt HIGHLY allergic to:

▪️Dust-GRANTED I think is a given for every human being, I mean why would we dust otherwise?!

▪️Grass-Yes I’m highly allergic to the stuff on all of our front lawns. What did I take from this finding? My next new home will have rocks instead of grass. Not only is this less maintenance but I’ll be less likely to suffer so horribly during allergy season.

▪️Trees-specifically oak, maple, and pine. The pollen found on them should be tried for attempted homicide cause they’re KILLING me this year which was confirmed by my allergist today. He put me on Flonase for the rest of the season no exceptions.

▪️Horses-yes, you read that right. Apparently I’m HIGHLY allergic to horses, to the point where my allergist actually asked me if I owned a horse because if I did he would suggest I sell it. What did I take from this information? There will be no pony rides for my 30th birthday or riding like majestic medieval Queen down a mountainside or scenic beach. I think letting go of this dream to channel Mary Queen of Scots was more disappointing then the actual allergy.

Since I refuse to end this post on a serious or sad note I’m going to end it with three joking statements I can now make due to my allergies:

▪️I’d love to go for a 5 mile jog with you but I’m allergic to outdoor exercise.

▪️Since donkeys and mules are in the same family as horses I can say I’m officially allergic to jackasses and be completely serious.

▪️I’d love to mow the lawn, truly, but I can’t. I’m allergic to grass, you see?

So there you have it, an update on my health. What are your allergies? Share a comment below to join the discussion!

Wishing Everyone A Blessed Easter & Passover

▪️Whichever you celebrate enjoy time spent with loved ones and friends▪️

Hello Readers!

Originally I was going to write about my visit to the allergist, however, we’re still trying to figure out exactly what I’m allergic to. The good news is, that I didn’t test positive for any serious food allergies on the skin test and the bad news is it’s going to take some serious detective work on my husband and I’s part to figure out what is causing my serious eczema flair ups. I go back Friday for more testing so please keep me in your prayers if you’re religious or ‘kind wishes’ if you’re not as I continue to figure this out.

I decided to take the weekend to spend time with my husband, and other family during this holiday weekend. I’d love to wish you and your family a wonderful Easter (or Passover) weekend. May you be filled with all the people, food and things which make you smile and your heart happy.

I’ll be discussing how to revamp your Instagram and use your highlights to your advantage as well as the two apps which helped me accomplish these goals that I recommend for anyone trying to grow their brand.

Optical Illusion Art

Do you remember the app ‘Paint’ on Windows 95? Well today I revisited my youth and tried my hand at these optical illusion pieces which I must say I’m pretty impressed with how they turned out. Lately, I’ve been battling with severe eczema and allergies the itching is very intense at times so for me this week it’s all I can do to keep my mind off this. Art for me is a creative outlet it keeps my mind busy and active in a positive way. I hope you enjoy what I’m sharing with you.

An Introduction to 7 Deadly Sins To Dumping Someone For My Single Readers Out There

While I’ve written countless posts about everything wrong with society when it comes to love and relationships nowadays, I’d have my head in the mud if I hadn’t acknowledge one universal truth: sometimes you’re just not compatible with someone anymore. Being the happily married friend, I tend to get a lot of my single friends coming to me for advice on how to break up with someone or how to handle an issue when it arises in their relationships. While my husband and I are totally flattered that our single friends put our relationship to the status of #RelationshipGoals, these conversations are never ease to advise for. While emotions tend to run high I always remind them that there’s a right and wrong way to dump someone. 

What is the worst way to break up with someone? Of course, the truth is there’s really no right way to dump somebody. No matter how nice you are about it, someone is going to end up getting hurt. However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some more gentle ways of breaking up with someone.

A lot of research one this topic found that the biggest factor of a bad breakup is, obviously, the way the breakup happens. Researchers discovered that college students were much more concerned over how their breakup happened rather than why it happened. Keeping that in mind, like the 7 deadly sins in the life, you should try to avoid these 7 deadly ways dumping someone. Because no matter how horrible someone is, they always deserve respect and dignity.

1. Doing It in Public

I’ve never done this, I always advise my single friends NEVER to do this because its just outright cruel, but I know people who did it anyway. So why do they do it? Probably because they heard breakup advice that actually encourages them to dump someone in a public place. The reasoning behind that logic is usually so that the person you’re dumping can’t do anything crazy. 

However, here’s my thoughts on that: if someone is going to go insane because you dumped them, they’re going to do it whether you’re alone or not. In the end, breaking up with someone in a restaurant or when you’re at a party is embarrassing. Through the years I’ve learned a breakup should be something private, not a huge thing for others to watch.  The only time you should dump someone when other people are around is if you’re genuinely afraid this person is going to hurt you. In which case, maybe just bring one friend that’s a respectable distance away from the talk but close enough to swoop in if need be.

2. Being Caught Cheating

One of my close friends was in a relationship with a girl that was hooking up with a former long time guy friend of mine for almost a month before ending the relationship. The entire group of our friends, except for my poor friend in question, knew it. This made Tom and I super upset, we gave them 2 weeks to come clean, before we spilled the beans. Luckily, the girl did right by my friend and dumped him before ending up with said former long time guy friend. We don’t speak anymore, but they ended up getting married. As for my close friend? He was extremely hurt but after he gave himself time to emotionally and physically heal, he found himself an amazing woman. He’s married and is about to have his second child. Any potential significant other who loves you will respect you more for not rushing into things until you’re ready.

The moral of that story is never to cheat if you want out! No matter how bleak things look, have more respect for yourself. It’s bad enough to cheat on someone in the first place (I’m sorry, but it is!), but getting yourself caught is even worse. It’s one thing to be told that you’re being cheated on and it’s quite another to watch the person you love cheat on you. This kind of breakup might be the worst kind. If you want to be with other people, break up with your partner before you cheat or you risk Carrie or Gary Underwood to find you and key your car.

3. Doing It Through MySpace, oh right, Facebook -Yep! As I prepare to hit the big 3-0 I reflected back on the immaturity of my teen years and realize I’ve done this, only it was 2005 MySpace. Looking back, I feel sincerely horrible about it too because in reality its one the worst ways to break up with someone via Social Media with no warning whatsoever. In my defense, I was young and felt really angry about something else I’ll mention later on in this article said “forget you” just by changing my status to single. Looking back on it, I can only imagine how horrible it must have been for my ex to find out he’d been dumped along with the rest of our mutual MySpace friends, I’m sure it was a major bummer. Thirty year old me is sincerely sorry for this, and if I have one regret it is not meeting up with him to do it properly. Single readers out there, don’t take a page out of my book in this respect – all it does it make you look like a coward.

4. Dumping Someone Via Text– Yep I did this too, with my now husband when we “went on a break” as teenagers. In my defense I’d been with him since I was 16 and being 19 years old telling him I needed space wasn’t easy. I didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes so I did it through a text message. Looking back on that, the meaning behind that low blow was that I felt more confident doing it when I could write my words out rather than speaking them. Big mistake, especially if you genuinely love that person. There are some points in our life where we have to act mature enough to confront people in person – breakups are one of those times. Texting allows for way too many misunderstandings and hurt feelings. While, I found my amazing husband in the form of the very poor, heartbroken sap I did this to, I don’t encourage you to ever do the same.

5. Having A Friend Do It For You

Okay this is the king of cowardly ways to dump someone: having a friend do it for you comes neck in neck with changing your MySpace ( now commonly Facebook) relationship status. While I know it’s tempting to have someone else be the middle man, it’s not cool to involve a third party in something that should be private.

6. The Thing That Lead Me To Doing #3 on This List AKA Actually Kind Of Just Doing… Nothing. This ruins any change of salvaging your ex’s respect and may lead them to take my young and impressionable route. While I get it, sometimes when we get scared to actually break up with someone, we try to get them to go ahead and do it for us this is just pathetic because chances are your partner can feel the temperature change in the relationship and than gets anxious. I’ve had this done to me in my late teens and its the worst feeling ever! Honestly, it turns any self assured female into an emotionally erratic nutcase ( hey, not proud of it but I been there). What constitutes as this? When we start ignoring the person and acting like a jerk on purpose! That way, the person feels like the breakup is their decision. I get that maybe you think you’re doing them a favor, but it’s actually really a sick mind game. If you don’t want to be with someone, end the relationship. Don’t wait for your partner to do it for you. That just makes you both unhappy and really makes no sense.

7. Dumping Someone Before A Big Event

I have to contradict myself a little here: while I would never advise dragging out a breakup for a long period of time, there are some exceptions. Don’t dump someone a few days before a big event you’re both supposed to attend, like if he or she is going to be your date to a wedding or other major event. Chances are that person has already spent a lot of money on something to wear and maybe even changed plans around to go with you. If you want to end things a few weeks before the event, that’s fine – go for it. But if it’s a week to one day before the event? Try to hold off until it’s over… unless the person did something really awful.

I don’t envy singles in this messed up dating world, I also wanted to write something inclusive for those of my readers out there who aren’t married or have children. While I know there’s no easy way of letting go or telling someone they don’t suit you well as a boyfriend or girlfriend, you should NEVER do any of the seven deadly things mentioned above. The most valuable advice I can give you is to be an authentic version of yourself, you dated that person for a reason and at one point you found them irresistible so you owe it to that person to break up with them in the classiest way possible.

Five Things I’ve Learned From Losing A Childhood Friend To Addiction

There’s no single best way to cope with a great loss…

Monday, March 25th 2019 should have been a day to celebrate. My friend Joe would have turned 30 years old. Perhaps if things were different, in a perfect sort of world, I would have been out having drinks with him instead of writing this post. There’s nobody to go out celebrating with, there’s no voice on the other end of the phone to wish a happy birthday to and there’s nothing I can do to turn back the hands of time and have one more day where I could say: ‘I’m here for you, please don’t give up hope.’

Instead I lost him, three years ago to heroin. In fact, I wrote a whole article about disenfranchised grief and the isolation one goes through when losing a friend, relative, or loved one to addiction. We should have been celebrating a birthday today, instead I’m writing a tribute to his life and the five things I’ve learned from losing my friend to addiction.

“I’ve learned not everyone will understand the way I mourn”

This statement is probably the realist statement any surviving relative or friend of an addict can attest to. While after high school ended Joe and I drifted a bit, he was still a very important person in my adolescent life. The fact that he would pop up and then disappear throughout my early to mid twenties was irrelevant, whenever we saw each other it was like no time had passed. He was always one of my best friends, our bond never changed, just our priorities. Many people didn’t or still don’t understand how I can mourn for someone who I could go weeks to months even years at a time without seeing since graduating high school before they popped back up. My answer is that regardless, he was my friend and it’s my right to love him, miss him and wish things could have been different for him.

I’ve learned that in people trying to give me space, they often forget to say ‘I’m here for you if you need to talk‘ which is nice to hear.”

Addiction is a tricky animal as in when you lose someone TO it nobody really knows what to say. Many of my best friends didn’t reach out to me at all even after viewing my Instagram and Facebook tribute to Joe most of them hiding under the pretense of ‘well I wanted to give you your space to reflect’. Sometimes we the survivors of someone addiction took from us really want you to say, ‘I know today’s not easy, but I’m here for you if you want to talk’. People are so used to tip-toeing around the taboo subject of drug addiction that there’s a total disconnect in empathy for those left behind. I’ve learned that’s the way it is: I do not fault people for not knowing what to say to me but I appreciate those who try.

“I’ve learned that I have no tolerance for people who don’t realize Joe was so much more then his inner demons and addiction”

People often forget that behind every addict who lost their battle there was a person who the people left behind truly loved. My friend Joe died of a heroin overdose but he was so much more than a statistic. He hated pictures but was a great photographer, he hated school but he loved nothing more then hanging out playing Xbox with or sitting under boardwalk lights to talk about life with friends. He was low key but outgoing, introverted but social. He kept his close friends circle small but once you were in, you were in for life. He was smart, so smart he was destructive if not challenged. He was funny without trying to be, brutally honest and unapologetically so, but mostly he was loyal to a fault. He put on a grouchy front sometimes but if you were crying he’d hug you close in a minute and make you feel like everything would be okay. He got involved with the wrong people, he experimented with the wrong kind of things and he paid for it with his life. He was more than just an addict: he was a son. A brother. An Uncle. A cousin. A friend. I learned there there are people who will always see him as an addict who did this to himself, I find it really hard to talk to or relate to those types of people who refuse to look beyond the circumstances which led to his untimely demise. I understand there are people who will always judge Joe for what he did in the end rather than all the positivity he gave those he cared for. I try not to judge these people too harshly, but I’m only human it does upset me sometimes.

“I learned there’s no single way to cope with a loss so great.”

Grieving a childhood friend is a lot like being on a roller coaster. There are days where I can look back on memories I shared with Joe and laugh until tears of joy are streaming down my face; on the other hand there are days where I’ll remember something he said or hear a song we used to jam out to in Mike’s car and I’ll just start crying. On the one hand, you remember and reflect as that person had a huge impact on your formative childhood and adolescent years and on the other hand as an adult who’d gone so long without seeing him before learning of his death almost wonder if you have the right to mourn at all.

Last year on Joe’s birthday, I lit a candle for him, said a prayer for his soul, and cried for a good 45 minutes. This year on Joe’s birthday I said a prayer for him, but I also spoke to him out loud on my way to work and had a conversation with him. Sure, I was essentially talking out loud hoping wherever he was he could hear me but I popped on my Pandora put on the Black Sabbath station and listened to all our favorite songs we used to sing aloud to come on in a row-I’d like to think that was him saying he was thinking of me too and listening to what I had to say. Sometimes I feel Joe’s presence so loudly in my life even though he’s not here physically and others I feel a void, this sense of silence. I’m not sure how I’ll celebrate his birthday next year, for every year since he passed it has been different. Sometimes memories make me smile, sometimes they make me cry but they all make me lucky I knew him and had him in my life no matter how brief it was. I realized that the grieving process is an ever evolving and ever-changing cycle of cherishing the good times and mourning the loss of someone you’ll never get to experience making more memories with in the future again.

“I’ve learned that I really hate when people think I should be over it by now.”

Losing a close friend (especially under the circumstances of addiction) is the type of loss that you simply learn how to cope with. Miraculously, everyone thinks there’s a statute of limitation to the grieving process. I don’t really think people realize when they ask me how I can still be so sad when I haven’t seen him in years just how insulting it really is.

The answer to the question is really simple I will never be over the fact that I lost my friend to heroin. I will never be over the fact that although there was nothing I can do to change the outcome of what happened, that I don’t still wish there was something I could’ve said or did to have kept him still living on this Earth. I will never be over wishing I could have pulled him away from the people who influenced him to try harder drugs which lead to his untimely death.

I will never be over wondering what his last few minutes on earth were like: whether or not he was alone, whether or not he was scared, whether or not Mike and I’s faces were some of the last people he saw flash before his eyes before he passed away. I wonder if he wished he was sitting at a bar with both of us or either of us watching a hockey game and busting Mike’s balls for liking the New York Rangers instead of wherever he was when he took his last breath. I wonder if he wished in those last few moments of life that he can do it all over again and I wonder if he still would’ve made the same decision knowing the outcome would bring.

I don’t believe that Joe meant to hurt anyone by dying on that night or day in February, I do firmly believe he thought he was invincible. I do not believe anyone who truly knew him as a person could ever really truly be over the loss of his life. I also learned that many do not understand this because they do not understand him, they do not understand our bond, and they do not understand what he meant to me.

“I’ve learned that while I don’t like to believe Joe’s death was God’s Will, I am proud to see the loss of his life inspired many in our graduating class to get clean and stay clean.”

Bringing religion into a topic where addiction is concerned is very touchy. As humans on a daily basis we often sometimes struggle with what God’s will truly is. While I do not believe that God necessarily willed Joe’s life to end the way that it did I do believe his death was not in vain.

Since Joe’s passing, several members of my graduating high school class have reached out to me and expressed their genuine sadness in the loss of Joe’s life. They have also expressed to me that his death inspired them to seek help, get clean, and stay clean. For this I have learned that although I do not like to think of Joe’s loss of life as God’s plan perhaps it was the catalyst to save others from the same fate so that they could fulfill their life’s purpose before they died. Maybe Joe’s life purpose was to be a catalyst to change, no matter how painful that may be.

I like to think that Joe would have been very happy that he saved a life that he inspired those left behind to get clean and stay clean. Joe was very private with his battle I often knew when he wasn’t doing well because those would be the months and sometimes years in which I would not hear a sound from him. I knew when he was doing well because that would be when he would be very active in my life, calling and meeting up, laughing together like no time had passed. While Joe kept his struggles and his inner demons to himself I do feel like he would be very proud in knowing that he helped those around him to defeat their inner demons and live life to the fullest.

But mostly I learned that life isn’t fair and addiction doesn’t care who you are or what your social or economic standings are. It’s thieving, it’s cheating and unrelenting in its pursuit to destroy lives and breakup families and friends. I also learned that while these circumstances which addiction destroys life as we know it by taking those we love we have two options. We can choose to let it consume us in grief or emboldened us to live on carrying ourselves in a way that would honor their memory. I learned that mostly I am successful at choosing the latter.

I hope that in writing this very personal piece about what I’ve learned from losing someone I care for to addiction I inspire someone else who is struggling and drowning in the grief and loss to know they’re not alone. Whoever you are and whatever the circumstances surrounding your loved one’s death please know that their life was so much more then a statistic and you can honor their memory by finding strength in each passing day to live and share your message to bring the taboo of addiction into the forefront and change people’s minds and hearts for the better. God love and God bless you all.