How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

When my grandmother passed away, one of my biggest fears was forgetting how she smelled (Pond’s cold cream) , the sound of her voice, and how good her hugs felt. This fear that the significant events I had with her in life was irrelevant because I find I remember these things most vividly even without hearing, seeing, and smelling things all the time.

My grandmother lived in Brooklyn NY for the beginning of my childhood while I was a Jersey girl. I don’t remember much of her Brooklyn home but many, many, years and one out of state move later—I caught a scent in the air that I knew to be her house and I knew it was her house in Brooklyn.

Did I mention I’m Clairalience? That is being able to smell odors that don’t have any kind of physical source. Instances of this could include smelling the perfume or the cigarette smoke of a deceased relative, used as a sign of their presence around us. Regardless, I think this has a lot to do with the question poised because while ‘with the passage of time’ the events (including the memories of this home she lived in) faded—somewhere in my mind— the memory of that scent lived on to where I could identify it.

In a more cognitive sense though it all comes down to relativity. The closer you are to something, the less you see. For instance, if you’re standing in the middle of a woods, you would see trees all around you, hear the birds, the crunch of leaves and twigs underneath your feet. However, you wouldn’t be able to see that far, as your view is blocked by the denseness of said wood. Later that day, let’s assume you’re in the air with a skilled pilot, and find yourself flying above that same body of woods. Your perspective has totally changed getting a different vantage point of the view, hasn’t it?

Another example is the fence illustration. Get real close to the wire fence, you see the metal and the gaps between the structure. Now stepping back, perhaps one hundred yards, you see a complete structure. Perspective is all important when it comes to understanding.

I think that events, especially the significant ones in our lives, with the passage of time are much like the fence illustration. When we are in the moment, whether it is positive or negative, we see the experience too closely to really grasp the meaning of it, the ‘bird’s eye view’ of it so to speak and ultimately its significance. As time passes, we can look at these events with wiser eyes. In moments we took for granted of our loved ones spending holidays with us, we are able to look back and appreciate the fact that we had those moments. In moments we were too critical of ourselves, we are able to look back and give ourselves grace, knowing we did the best we could with the tools we had.

I’d like to close with the short poem I wrote and hope whoever is reading this knows that they matter:

“Time is a NASCAR race it moves fast in person and on television slow,

You never know when the checkered flag flies and it’s your time to go.

It sneaks up on you and try as you might,

Time is the driver,

And you get no rewrite.”