When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
“Grown up” is such a loaded word considering half the time I feel like I’m just winging it. Seriously, some days I feel super ‘grown up’, after all, there’s the bills which come to our house addressed to my husband and I, the liquor store clerks who no longer card us (long gone are the days where we looked young enough to NOT drink but we still look good for our age), and the stranger’s kids who refer to Tom and I as “ma’am” and “sir” when they want to ask us something.
It’s weird. One day you’re young, clubbing, and running to work on three hours of sleep and the next you have a special chair, a television show you need to be in said chair for, and needing at least 6-8 hours of sleep (oh and coffee!) to function at work. Wild weekends in Atlantic City become shopping flash sales at Hobby Lobby. That’s not to say we’re not ‘fun’. In the last three years Tom and I have gone to several local live concerts, comedy shows, and found a cozy winery that looks right out of a Hallmark Movie. We’ve become quite fond of kayaking on the lake by our home, visiting historic downtowns, and spending quality time together.
Becoming an adult for me has been deeply personal. Working on regulating my emotions, speaking up when I feel hurt, and sometimes saying nothing at all is something I learned along the way. I don’t need the last word, I focus on me and those closest to me. No response is a loud response and nobody is entitled to my time or energy unless it is a mutual exchange. Learning to set boundaries and say “no” has triggered big “adult” feelings in me because I’m no longer allowing anyone to influence my choices outside of my little family. Tom and I chose what’s best for us, it’s how we operate, and it’s what works best for us. We don’t owe anyone any excuse or explanation as to “why?”.
I hold no grudges towards people and places I outgrew, I am grateful for these experiences both good and bad. However, I am extremely choosey about who gets a seat at my table. Being an adult is recognizing that giving someone my forgiveness doesn’t entitle them to a seat at my table. While I can’t make others accept that, I can make my expectations clear and control what’s in my power to protect my peace, my little family’s peace.
Many of us learned unhealthy coping skills, I feel like a true adult and I recognize others as true adults when there’s accountability in play. Perfection is an unrealistic expectation but through communication, accountability, and commitment to the people you love as well as their commitment to you that is what true “adulting” means to me.
Some days, I do not feel very “adult” others I feel extremely “adult” and that’s okay!
Are You There Friday? It's Me, Brittany. 